Warning for sexual content. Thanks to aphrodite_mine for beta reading.
He decided to go slowly—so she could change her mind if need be. He started at her neck and gently kissed her skin, absorbed in her perfume. Darcy’s nails were already digging into his shoulders and he stopped. “You’re nervous,” he said.
“Of course I am. So are you.” She brought her mouth to his and flicked her tongue across his teeth, reaching for the bottom of his shirt and pulling it towards her, her fingertips dancing across the skin of his back.
“I’ll be gentle,” he whispered.
“I know.”
He undid the first few buttons of her blouse and realized that she wasn’t wearing a bra this time. Tiny pink nipples stared back at him, the same color of Darcy’s cheeks as she watched him and whispered, “It’s okay.” He closed his eyes and pressed soft kisses to the skin, his lips creeping closer to an areola before finally capturing her breast in his mouth, the other under his palm. She was breathing hard now, and her chest was rising and falling as he kissed and caressed. He turned his attention to her other breast before traveling up to her lips again, barely hearing when she whimpered his name.
She turned her face away from him and he nibbled her earlobe, shivering as the tips of her fingers traced mysterious shapes on his back. “I can feel you against me,” she murmured.
“What?” Snake said, startled, his voice higher than usual and his face flushed.
“Can I?” she asked.
He nodded, and she reached for the fly of his jeans and pulled. Darcy placed both hands on the waistband and he wriggled out, kicking them to the floor, and waiting. He thought she was going to touch him then, but instead she laughed. “Briefs?” she said. “Aren’t they kind of… constricting?” He blushed deeper and couldn’t think of an adequate explanation, especially since he was pretty sure he had been trying to constrain himself for months. “Your turn,” she whispered, guiding his hand to her belt buckle. In one smooth motion, he undid it and soon had her jeans at her ankles, and then on the floor, their clothes in a quickly growing pile.
She was wearing light green panties and he tried not to stare at the clear spot where they were darker, glistening, waiting for him. Hesitantly, he moved his hand up her leg, gently stroking her thigh. Without warning, she reached down and placed her hand on his. “Please,” she said. “No one has ever touched me there.” She tugged at his fingers with her own and pressed them to the fabric of her panties, the heat and dampness radiating through both sets of fingers. She moaned as his fingers brushed the wettest spot, grazing against her through the fabric.
Slowly, delicately, even now making an effort to give her ample time to stop everything if she wanted, he pulled her panties down and saw, finally, the soft dark curls covering her most guarded region. He slipped her underwear down her legs completely and she shuddered, eyes closed, releasing jagged breaths.
Snake moved his hand slowly up her thigh, hearing her whimper “oh my god” when he brought his fingers closer, and the irony was too much and he froze. He sat back and drank in the sight of her completely naked body: eyes shut, lips slightly parted, hands clutching fistfuls of his sheets. She was perfect, beautiful, and he wondered if this was the cruelest punishment of all as he whispered, “I can’t do this.”
“What?” Darcy nearly shouted, all at once sitting up. Her entire face, like the rest of her, was flushed. Daringly, she reached out and touched the bulge under his briefs, slipping her fingers between the flap in the fabric and he groaned involuntarily, feeling himself hardening still. “But I’m ready,” she murmured, staring deep into his eyes with newfound determination, like a flower blooming in the dead of winter.
Snake gently pushed her hand away. “I’m not.”
Darcy looked away, and then abruptly pulled the sides of her shirt together across her chest, fumbling with the buttons. “Now I feel even stupider than I felt before,” she confessed, and he could see a couple tears caught in her eyelashes. He brushed his thumb gently against her eyelids, freeing them.
“It’s my fault,” he said. As she reached for her underwear, he internally berated himself, averting his gaze more out of embarrassment than politeness as she redressed.
There was a silence, and then she said, “I wanted you to be my first.” Snake looked at her again. She was fully dressed and somehow more naked than before.
“The man you marry will be your first,” he said slowly. “Or maybe it will happen sooner. But it can’t happen like this, a quick lay on my bed right before I jet out of town. It just can’t.” She didn’t say anything so he reached for his own jeans and stepped into them, waiting.
“Why not?” she asked finally.
“Because… you’d hate me forever. And I’d hate myself even more.”
She was quiet and Snake wondered if she hated him already. Then she leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his lips, pressing her palm to his cheek, briefly, before whispering, “Okay.” And then she was at the door.
Snake walked towards her, trancelike, and in his mind the image of her standing there staring at him with those too-trusting eyes and trembling smile was already burned in his memory forever. It seemed to have happened long ago.
“So this is it,” she said finally, and her words seemed to travel from his ears to the walls and back again. “I’m going to miss you,” she said, her voice shaking and the tears already falling down her cheeks. Snake enveloped her in his arms, and she leaned into his chest, steadying herself and settling in.
“We’ll see each other again,” he promised, even though he wasn’t sure if he could keep it. She said nothing and he pressed a kiss to the top of her hair, knowing it inadequate.
“I love you, Darcy,” he said as she pulled away, and she smiled and looked down and said nothing, only placing her hand on the doorknob and twisting, opening the door and disappearing behind it, wordlessly, like a ghost. Snake waited a few minutes before peaking behind it, half-hoping she’d still be in the hallway, but she was nowhere to be found, and in many ways, neither was he.
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